The off season is twenty different kinds of boring. Nothing to write about but conference realignment and quarterback controversy. Yawn. But the offseason does coincide with the summer blockbuster season and nothing is bigger in the world of popculture right now than this Friday’s opening of The Avengers. There are few things that get me as pumped as when The Subway Domer cranks out Bag-Pipes Monday. This is one of them.
Which got me to thinking, “If I were to cast our current #NDFB players as Avengers, who would get which part?” Here is the result. So without further ado, let the Irish Assemble!
Brian Kelly is Nick Fury. Nobody in Hollywood today embodies intensity like Samuel L. Jackson. Nobody embodies intensity on a college sideline quite like BK.
Manti Te’o is Captain America. Manti combines all of Cap’s best attributes: leadership, loyalty, and that distinctive square jaw. Plus he’s the pinnacle of human physical perfection.
Louis Nix III is the Incredible Hulk. Mild mannered, friendly Louis turns into an anger fueled rage beast on Saturdays.
Austin Collinsworth is Iron Man. I’m stretching but who else should we cast as our wealthy, play-boy, genius, industrialist?
Tyler Eifert is Thor. Eifert wins it with the locks. Sure they’re not gold, but the physique is Norse god-esque.
Tommy Rees is Hawkeye. Rees is our man as the least sexy but sometimes pivotal Avenger. Plus Rees looks awesome in purple tights.
Alex Flanagan is Black Widow. We’re currently rewriting Black Widow’s backstory so she’s a blonde Irish super-assassin as opposed to a red-head Russian ex-pat.
Luckily, we’re also not limited by the movie’s cast of characters because we have forty years of comics history to draw on. Anyone who follows Marvel comics knows the running joke these days is EVERYONE is an Avenger. So there are plenty more good parts to go around.
Braxton Cave is Luke Cage. C-A-G-E, C-A-V-E get it? Plus Braxton is a total bad-ass.
Everett Golson is Black Panther, King of Wakanda. Golson is elusive, powerful, yet mysterious. Plus deadly accurate with thrown weapons.
Cierre Wood is Dr. Strange. Wood is our very own Master of the Mystic Arts. Just when you think you have your hands on him, he’ll disappear into the astral plane only to reappear in the endzone.
Chase Hounshell is the Thing. A “Rock” on the D-Line if you’ll pardon the pun.
T.J. Jones is Spiderman: No, not ex-Spartan Andre Rison. I’m thinking that his sinewy build combined with superior body control gives this one to T.J. Jones.
Carlo Calabrese is Wolverine. He’s a fiery take-no-prisoner’s hack-n-slash killah on D.
George Atkinson III is Quicksilver. So fast you can’t touch this.
Feel free to submit any of your favs that I might have skipped!
UPDATE! By reader suggestions we have even more Irish Avengers!
Stephon Tuitt is the Beast. As bblase3 puts it, “He is, in fact, a beast.”
KLM is Red Hulk. A tactical genius with the strength of Green Hulk
And by head-slapping omission we of course have Troy Niklas as Hercules.
