Michigan. September 13, 2008

Michigan week. It’s time for some skunkbear hunting. Here now, is your non-preview or the anti-preview if you will for the game against those stupid, stupid skunkbears.

Michigan comes into this game as lame as I have ever seen them in the last 20 years. Lamer than last year? Yep. their 1-1 (L-Utah, W-Miami of Ohio) record is no huge improvement to last years 0-2 (L-Appalachian State, L- Oregon). At least their offense had proven seniors along the offensive line, QB, RB, and other Junior playmakers as well. This year Michigan looks like a junior varsity team on offense, but they still have a very stout defense. But does it really matter? This is still Michigan and they must die.

What should you be drinking? Molson Canadian. Michigan is as foreign to me as the Great White North, so drink like one eh. It’s a beer that is to be pounded while it is ice cold. Molson has been known to skunk-up a bit if it warmed up. This should never happen if you drink it like a man. Now drink up pussies, you will now be geographical geniuses.

What should I be wearing? Well, you are going skunkbear hunting… right? Then the only outfit you need is available at Wal-Mart, Cabella, and ever other hunting outlet across the country. Grab the camo and get stalking. Be sure and wear a little orange so that the rest of the Irish Crazies don’t mistake you for a little skunkbear. Also, the forecast calls for a lot of rain at Notre Dame from today and into Saturday. It will be wet and there is a likelihood of thunderstorms. So be wary of trees and pack the rain gear as well.

What should I be eating? Duh. Skunkbear! If you can’t find one after hunting all morning a regular bear will suffice. You can probably find Ted Nugent for a little help. Don’t know how to roast one, or make lasagna out of one? Look here and get all the information that you need. Bear meat is considered both a delicacy and redneck food, so remember to change out of your camo gear and into a black tuxedo before dining on this gamey treat. Delicious, eh!

What freshman will make the biggest impact? Last week I told you to calm down about Michael Floyd, and then he goes and scores a TD, while my pick was for Kyle Rudolph to have the bid game and TD grab. So what the hell do I know? I would love to say Michael Floyd for this week, but not gonna do it. How about Darius Flemming. I foresee a fumble. Flemming will either cause a big fumble on special teams, or recovers one after the Dictator Mike Anello smokes some poor soul.

What offensive player needs to step it up? Even though it is tempting to nominate every single offensive lineman for every game, i turn to the guy they are blocking for… Robert Hughes. Bobby didn’t have his best game last week against SDSU, but he didn’t look bad either. The Irish desperately need him to make a huge impact in this game ESPECIALLY with the weather looking like something out of a Bible plague looming large. Hold on to the ball and move the pile.

What defensive player needs to step it up? Maurice Crum. Notre Dame played pretty sound defense last week, but they still had some major holes in the armor. The penalties on third down that Crum had (2 of them) kept dieing drives alive and provided some momentum. Stop it. Plus, again remember the weather, Michigan will be running the ball A LOT. Mo Crum needs to help guide and direct the team to remain calm and to keep their composure if things get a little rocky. He is the most experienced defensive player on the roster and should have the impact that i am looking for. Hit and wrap.

Who’s gonna win? I am just going to stick by my theory that last weeks game against SDSU was caused by a severe rust infestation. The team should be cleaned and lubed up by now and I expect a different team out there. Michigan looked shitty both games that they have played, but they still have one more game than the Irish under their belts and that means a lot in the first 3 or 4 games of the season with a young team. The Irish win a tough game, 17-13.